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Team-mates: Fulham striker Matt Smith

Best mate at the club?

Tom Cairney. It has been since he joined the club. I am very close to him. A lot of the lads live out in Surrey, but we’re both in the city centre. We’re both of a similar age and have similar interests.

Last to buy dinner?

Cauley Woodrow. He needs to take the crocodiles out of his pockets. In reality, he probably isn’t that bad, but we give him a hard time. We don’t have many stingy lads, really. We’re all right.

Worst dressed?

It has to be Ryan Tunnicliffe. He wears the same blue baggy Ralph Lauren tracksuit that I’ve seen him in for years. I just don’t think he can really be bothered to dress properly in the morning. He just rolls in and trains.

Dressing room DJ?

The kitman Mark Harrison – we call him Frank – does our music. Marcus Bettinelli is not too bad and then Scott Parker does it a lot. He goes for classics from the ’90s, but everyone gets on board with it.

Late for training?

No-one is ever late. We are a prompt team. Felix Magath used to charge us £50 a minute for every minute we were late and, since then, the lads have taken to getting in on time. That has carried on into the new management. Everyone is used to being bang early. It was £100 a minute in the Premier League. It’s drastic, especially in the London traffic.

Teacher’s pet?

Tom Cairney, on the sly. He tries to be quite calm about it, but he is top boy at the minute. I think he is sneaking off for a few quiet meetings around the place at the moment.

First on the dance floor?

We’re quite a reserved bunch. We like to have a social, but there is no-one who chucks himself out there. We’re maybe a bit boring on that one! We are just a regular bunch, all quite calm lads.

Most likely to disgrace themselves at the Christmas party?

It was Ross McCormack, for sure, but it is probably Cauley Woodrow now. He is a young lad, full of energy. He is the joke of the changing room, always looking to cut a few laughs and is normally on the end of some sort of joke.

Worst tattoo?

Jack Grimmer has his initials tattooed on his bicep and he has tried to have them lasered off because they look that bad. He also has a weird tribal tattoo on his shoulder and an arm-sleeve which, when I asked him what it meant, he said he had no idea.

Partial to a sunbed?

There are a few! They keep it quiet, but Kevin McDonald has some drastic tan lines and we’re into September now. I am not having that he has been doing that naturally. They are very suspicious.

Going to make the best manager?

Scott Parker. He has that aura about him. He knows what he is talking about and, whenever he says anything, the lads are firmly listening and doing everything they can to satisfy what he is after.

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